My artt <3

[mimii]

ok ok... before u read this... keep in mind im not suicidal or anythin! and ya ok i wrote this maybe 3 years ago... actually it was my first song for my ex-band.. just let me kno if u like or not or comment it i have many more let me kno if u want more

I saw a girl today
Her wrists were razor kissed
Angry lines they screamed her pain
Sadness seeping as a bloodstain
She smiled sweetly and tugged at her sleeves
Wanting someone's gentle reprieves
The world has never seen her tears
But things are never how they appear
When dawn comes still dark and gray
In silence on her bed she'll lay
No sleep has come to her tonight
She just wants to give up the fight
Distant eyes, they open they close
The effort it takes no one knows
A new day, a new beginning
all she wants is to just stop living
Suicidal they label her
The depression is pulling her under
All through the day she walks as you
She talks like you
And laughs like you
The difference though, it lies beneath
Beneath her scars and under her skin
Where no one else has ever been
She keeps it hidden so no one can see
Her blackened heart so ugly
She hides her feelings for her protection
And refuses to show anyone any affection
Too many people they left deep wounds
All the while sweet nothings they crooned
She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath
And prepares for her untimely death
It won't come today
But maybe tomorrow, next week or next year
And so she wipes away a single tear
She smiles sweetly and tugs down her sleeves
Ignoring all of her own needs

[kikuchiyo]

I'm a bit of a musical guy my self, when i read it first i though it was nice, altho a song is better heard then read. I read it with a "sons and daugthers" type melody, a little bit of johnny cash in there too. There's a nice choice of words and substence but it lacks some paragraphs for musical solo and a refrain.

It's pretty good it would be fun to hear it tho, now it would be nice to read the others your wrote.

[mimii]

ok ok ill send sum more soon enough thx

[mimii]

Ok heres another one... not a song tho just... a random poem i wrote long time ago.. thinkin about this girl anyways


I see her near a bridge
Staring away trying to dismiss
Not lost, just alone
Always on her own
She's destined to grow cold
Her story never told
Somewhere inside she's falling,
Desparately calling
Her dreams were stolen
A debt of love frozen
I watch her hoping she won't fall away
And be left to lay
If only she could drift to a new base
To another place
Somewhere she can laugh and play
And destroy her days pained
If you could see inside her youd find
Tears instead of blood streaming from her heart
That's desparately trying not to fall apart
And still we watch her just fall farther down
Faceless in a crowd
Dreaming of everything but always without
Never knowing what lifes about
And no one tries to solve
the math of her kind
Add all the ropes that bind
Minus a few good times
Multiply the scars of her mind
Divided by a smile that never shines
Equals a forgotten little girl, who'll never be fine.
And still I watch her scream,
For all the thing's she as seen,
All the years she as bled,
All the smiles she never shared,
No one ever cared.
Stepping towards the edge,
I run and reach, but she's already floating from the ledge.
My fingers brush her hair.
I feel the guilt of another person who wasn't there.
She drifts farther down,
My tears, your tears its too late to save her now.
She's a little fallen angel,
Just let her fly somehow!
She's free! I whisper but shout.
Finally, She's let out.
Then, the news went around,
And I cried when I heard she had a smile
On her face when she was found.

[Bobby]

Your rhymes are very good, don't take this personal but it feels short, the sentences, like it ends to sudden every line. It would work very much as a song like our friend said above. It has that "resonating" sound to it when you read it out loud. Something that would sound very good with a musical tone to it. One thing for shure they seem very personal.

[davep]

d***... that's some nice lyrics you got there! Now I have to play something that would match this... Seems to fit garbage kind of songs quite well too... *play some note on his bass guitar* arg... d*** I suck... well... I want to read you more so go on, send all what you got! ^^